I woke up stressed this morning. Nothing major, just every-day stresses: projects at work that weren’t going smoothly, the lack of an exact-o knife hampering my progress on an art piece, laundry to do…the usual list. But today I got into a massive funk about it. Because I’ve been dreaming of a different life…of waking up slowly and spending my days writing and making art and hanging out with people on their journeys. Of having a yard to eat lunch in during the summer, and a fireplace to eat it by in the winter. A life full of doing only things that I’m passionate about.
It’s a great dream. And I’m right on the edge of it. But I’m not there yet, and on days when the current life is uncomfortable, the distance from here to there starts to feel bigger. This morning it was feeling insurmountable. And then, straight out of the Great-Cosmic-Something, a beautiful, challenging question landed in my mind: Continue reading
playing with dollar-store treasures!
A dear friend and I took our “inner children” on a date to the dollar store this week. It was awesome. My little one ran all over the store, picking things up and putting them down, and coming home with all kinds of treasures: gold and silver metallic pens, butterfly stickers, a notebook with a cool design, some pretty-patterned shelf liner, glue, poster board… we were planning an art project, see. About rhythm and flow, and patterns, and growth.
I wanted to create something to capture the energy I’ve been living in for the last week or two; something I can look at and connect back into the life and passion I’m feeling right now. And the journey of it – from being so stuck in the ideas of “good” and “bad” – the whole world in black and white, and then beginning to mix the two together; to play with light and dark and find pretty, pretty patterns…to a burst of Technicolor, Wizard of Oz style. Where the colors I nurtured in secret are suddenly reflected everywhere…as within, so without.
And of course, I wanted my little one involved in this project. Because my little one is so creative. Where I would walk through the dollar store focused on mason jars and drinking glasses, she looks at ordinary objects and sees potential in them. She doesn’t see a shelf liner, she sees a pattern and texture she wants to play with. She doesn’t see dinner plates, she sees something that can be broken into beautiful pieces. She has innocence – something I was once afraid I lost forever. Turns out you can’t lose it…it just gets buried sometimes. Continue reading
Yesterday, I did something huge.
I listed my memoir for sale, publicly, on this website. I’ve thought about doing this many, many times over the past four months since I finished writing and editing it…but each time I’ve talked myself out of it. Until yesterday. Continue reading
It started, as many things do in my life, in a session with my Tantra Teacher, Vyana, about a month ago. I was getting ready to lead a weekend workshop called a Shalom Retreat™. It was only my second time out as a full-fledged Shalom Process leader (though I’d been an associate leader a number of times as I worked to complete my training)… and, the first time out – last December – had not gone as smoothly as I’d wanted it to.
And so there I was, sitting on the floor in the healing room at the Temple, as I had so many times before, talking with Vyana about my doubts and fears…about this feeling of being called to do sacred work in the world, and not knowing if I was up to the challenge. And Vyana, in her matter-of-fact way, told me that I needed to start to learn how to value myself. Continue reading