I had a startling revelation a couple of weeks ago.
I, the creator of a blog called embodied experiments, have not been fully embracing my own embodiment. In fact, I have been blaming my body for some things that weren’t my body’s fault at all. For years.
If you’ve been following the blog, you know that I had an intense childhood, and that one of the intense things I experienced was incest. And very early on I heard and embraced the truth that “it’s not the victim’s fault.” Only, I didn’t realize that I’d already put the blame somewhere, and that I hadn’t only assigned it to my perpetrator. I didn’t realize that some part of me had decided that everything that happened was because my body was wrong.
We teach what we need to learn, and I can see how I had to become a fierce advocate for full embodiment in order to dredge up enough ferocity to turn and look at the truth – that blaming my body for the trauma I experienced has been blocking me from my own full embodiment for all these years. That if the relationship between my consciousness and my body is a marriage, we’ve been sitting in marriage counseling on opposite ends of the couch, my body pleading with me to look at her, embrace her, make love with her…and my consciousness sitting stone-faced; angry and untrusting, full of blame, unable to see her as anything other than a betrayer.
Our bodies love us. It’s kind of a radical truth in my world right now. Our bodies love us, and they long for us. They want us to fully inhabit them. They want us to partner with them in the trinity of inner-marriage – where body exists, consciousness exists, and self exists as the dance of the two together. And I know I’m not alone in having a story about my body being wrong. We all have our own reasons; we come to it in different ways…but I think most of us have something like this hanging around. Continue reading